Ask The Narrator 8- Ocs

((Ooc- This is not a hit at anyone's original characters directly. These are the stereotypical
things that go hand in hand with a poorly designed original character. These are general
and not at anyone in particular.))

Ask The Narrator: Original Characters

Well, I was attempting to take a nice break, when the evil girl who pulls my strings decided
to wake me and tie me down until I did another one of these columns. Damn, sometimes I
think she really has no life aside from bothering me.... All right, all right, I'll be good.... I
promise.... Well, anyways, she decided to ask me to give my opinion on the state of
original characters (OCs) now a days.

Yea, I know what you're thinking, I'm an original character, so why in the world am I talking
about original characters? Well, aside from me assuming that my creator is on some kind
of drug to ask me this, I have one statement to make. I am the superior original character,
and no one can top me! **evil laughter** Wait.... why did I just type out that I was
laughing evily?... Oh well, whatever.

Original characters nowadays are starting to really bug me, with their unoriginality, and
ripping off everything around them.

So, for your viewing pleasure, I've decided to create a sure fire way to tell if your original
character needs to be massacred. That annoying girl has agreed to let me borrow Ryu
and Blake in case I decide I need to kill something, so be prepared for some slash happy,
neck snapping fun! Hm... maybe I should patent this idea....

The Narrator's Sure Fire Way of Knowing If Your OC Needs to Be Killed (With
Commentary)

(( Is the tip    is the commentary ))

1. Your character is a blantant rip off of someone, or something else.
This one, should be a given. I don't care if your character is ripping off Superman, or a
tissue box, the point is, your feeble mind doesn't understand the concept of copyright
infringement! When people make characters, that doesn't give you some inate right to
try to claim them as your own, thinking everyone around you will be too stupid to realize
what you've done. Try some creative thinking people!

2. Your character has a crush on, is dating, or is a sibling of a copyrighted anime or
television character.
I can't believe I even need to mention this one. I don't care what kind of twisted fantasy
world you're living in, but you're not gonna get to date your favorite anime character; it's
just not happening. And for the love of all OCs everywhere, don't have your characters
live out your twisted fantasies.

3. Your character is a despie. ((Term for an overly desperate character after nothing
but love.))
This has to be one of my most hated types of characters. The girl or guy who's after
nothing but love, and has no common sense to do anything but fall over themselves for
some partially attractive character. This people are annoying with their behavior, and make
me want to beat them with a two by four until they are bloodied, and then throw them into
an intersection. Look, you're not cute in what you're doing, and I swear if you keep this up
you'll have a very irate Blake at your door, and trust me, I've seen it, he's not pretty
when he's pissed and hasn't eaten in a while.

4. Your character is a Mary-Sue or Gary-Sue.
These characters make me wish I decided to teach a school on how to actually be
creative. Are people really that bland that they'll make a character that has basically nothing
to them? I mean really people, I've seen bricks more exciting than these.

5. Your character has one of the commonly used roleplaying names that make no sense
normally named after animals for some unknown reason. Stuff like Raven, Hawk, etc.
Geesh people, even I could try a baby names site or something to make non-overused
names. Do we need to name characters after some weird animals that if they knew you
were taking their name and making a mockery of it, would either peck out your eyes and/or
rip you to shreds? Think of it people, animals have feelings too! Don't rip them off.

6. Your character directly named off of a copyrighted, popular character, or is some
kind of play on it, whether changing some letters, or adding some. Normally done
with Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts characters.
These people annoy me more than the latter people. People don't understand how much
it sucks to get sued because their brain skills are so poor they can't think of something
themselves. Trust me, getting sued isn't fun. I've gotten sued for supposedly trying to
throw things at my neighbors. Now why would a sweetheart like me do such a thing? Well,
back on topic. Just because you think the name is cool, don't go off stealing it. It makes you
look like a fool.

7. Your character wields an improbable weapon, or a weapon that in real life would
weigh as much as a New York City bus.
All right, unless you character is a body builder and lifts cars in their spare time, the
latter part of this isn't happening. People are not physically made to carry 200 pound
weapons, especially with how impractical they are. What's even worse, is that somehow
they can muster a ton of speed with these weapons, or can wield it with one hand. I'm
sorry, but if I tried to use my new weapon of New York City bus to attack you with, even
an old lady with a purse could kill me before I managed to get the bus even off the ground.
And with the improbable weapons, did you bother to think of how inefficent some of these
might be? Try imagining it and putting it on someone before you use it. Some things just
don't work. Also, some common combinations, like sword and gun, or double guns, would
be near impossible to effectively use. Even though that giant spork might sound cool, please
think of what you're doing to your characters.

8. Your character has an overkill power, or was given some holy power by some sort
of gods.
As much as I know you people would love to have the overkill, watch me kill everyone
type of power that I'd like to have, it's just not possible. You can't control every element,
you can't bend the universe to your will, and you're not the most powerful person alive.
And for those given powers by the gods that make literally no sense, trust me, you're not
that special, no damn god is even gonna give you the time of day.

9. Your character is dressed in a way unsuitable for what they are.
Examples of this would be swordspeople or gunners dressed in skimmy, barely covering
their skin outfits that would likely get them killed. I'm sorry, but your skin is not gonna
take a bullet or slash well without some protective covering. This also goes for people who
need to be fast, wearing things they could trip on. Some armor suits this as well, because
armor is sure gonna slow you down a lot. So the moral of the story kids, think before you
dress.

10. Your character has no visible weakness.
In this, your character seems to have no major weaknesses. I swear you people don't
use your brains sometimes. People who have power normally lack speed, and speed lacks
power and sometimes accuracy. What kind of perfect world do you think we're in
where your character's power would be that perfect. Everyone's flawed people, stop trying
your damn godmods before I play Nuclear Bomb on them.

11. Your character is perfect in either appearance or personality.
These are the people I want to stab, the damn pretty pretty princesses. Oh, I'm
so pretty, and so proper, yet people want to stab me! What the hell are you people
thinking? Seems like you're trying to hide how hideous they actually are. No one has
the perfect stereotypical appearances, or the stuck up princess like personality. If you
can show me someone like that, I'll kill them for you, and restore the natural order.

12. Your character has an overdone, or no personality.
Geesh people, I thought you'd be a little more creative than to just give you character
the same personality that everyone else has. Here we go back to the creativity lessons.
This characters are dull, and have the personality of a cardboard box. Actually, I'd prefer
being around the cardboard box....

13. Your character has an overdone, or non-creative backstory.
Oh my god, all my characters have such horrible pasts, this one got thrown off the
Empire State Building, and this one got hit by a train, and this one had some weird
injection thingy. Stop with being damn drama queens.

14. Your character is the stereotypical definition of a supernatural power. I.E.
characters that are the average version of vampires, werewolves, demons, angels,
phoenixes, etc.
At least if you're going to use a supernatural creature like many people tend to do,
at least make them somewhat creative. Break out of the box people. At least give them
something others of their race do not have. Use your minds, and think out of the box.
Or better yet, give some supernatural creatures that aren't used normally some love.
Why doesn't anyone have a chupacabra character?

15. The characters that do nothing than piss everyone else off. They have no other
purpose.
These are the characters that everyone around them wants them dead. They aren't
even done for humor purposes or anything, they are just that damn annoying for no
reason. At least have a reason for them pissing off people, and don't have them do it
so constantly. Some people don't even realize they're doing this either.

Well, I could go on with this list forever, but I think it's better to stop now, since Ryu
and Blake are getting a bit antsy. But, my lesson of today- be original kids! Listen
to Sesame Street. Despite the annoying puppets maybe you people who are idiots enough
to do this could actually learn something.